Whatever it Takes
by tim333
Summary: In order to save Ooo from the threat of destruction, Princess Bubblegum decides to become Finn's girlfriend.
1. Chapter 1: Like a Child

Author's Notes: In this story, Finn is 15. Pen Ward has said he's 14, and a lot of time has passed on the show since then (FOUR MONTHS in "All The Little People" alone!). I hope this makes my story a liiiiittle bit less creepy. Lady Rainicorn's dialogue is abstracted out because I don't speak Korean and don't want to insult anybody who does with Google Translate mishmash.

Whatever it Takes

An Adventure Time fanfic by Tim333

-

Chapter 1: Like a Child

Finn the Human opened his eyes and saw the hospital ceiling.

"Ahh! What? What's going on?"

Dr. Ice Cream entered his field of view. "Oh good, you're awake."

"Dr. Ice Cream? How long have I been out? Last thing I remember I was with Flame Princess and things got, um... really hot... uh, that is, I mean-" He touched his face and recoiled in pain. "Youch!"

"It's okay, I know what you mean. You've sustained moderate burns to your face and arms. You must have passed out from shock. Your fiery friend brought you back to Candy Kingdom."

Finn sat up. "Flame Princess! Where is she?"

"Er... We really didn't think it was a good idea to let a being of living flame into the hospital, especially since I could melt. She did leave you this card, though."

She handed Finn a chunk of wood. Roughly charred into it were the words "Oops! Get well soon! - FP"

Finn smiled. "Aww. That was nice of her."

The doctor turned to the door. "He's up!"

Shortly thereafter, Jake the Dog and Princess Bubblegum rushed into the room. They talked over one another in their urgency to greet Finn.

"Oh Finn, thank Glob you're okay!" said the Princess.

"Hey, Bro, you doin' all right?" asked the dog.

"Hey guys. Things got a little steamy and I guess I fainted like some kind of baby who faints all the time. Pretty embarrassing."

"Whoa, dude, she really baked your toast," said Jake. "Do you want me to go get some of that magical healing cyclops goop we saved?"

Finn appraised himself in the reflective surface of the hospital bed. "Nah, man. We've got to save that junk for stuff that won't heal. I'll be - ouch - fine."

"Finn," said Princess Bubblegum, "I'm sorry to spring it on you at a time like this, but we've really got to talk about something."

"What's up, Peebles?"

The Princess sighed heavily and looked away. After a pause, she looked back to Finn and spoke. "You've got to stop seeing Flame Princess."

Finn almost leapt out of bed. "WHAT? Not this drizz again! We've been over this, Princess!"

Bubblegum wrung her hands. "Finn, I'm sorry, but it's not what you think. Did Jake tell you about her unstable elemental matrix?"

"Yeah, but that's all fixed now!"

"Oh, Finn... I thought so too. But your condition, and the readings I took from her when she came to Candy Kingdom... The stability she showed was just a temporary dip in an overall trend of increasing entropy. By having a romantic relationship with her, you're putting not just yourself, but all of Ooo in danger!"

The teenage hero's face contorted in frustration. "No, you're wrong! We'll be more careful! We can keep it under control!"

"Finn, if it were under control, would this have happened? Your burns aren't from simple contact, they're the result of a huge burst!"

"I can take care of myself! You just want to control everything!"

The Princess was taken aback. "Wh-what?"

"I'm tired of you treating me like a child. I'm not anymore, Princess. I've been through more stuff than most adults!"

Reluctantly, Jake spoke up. "Euhhhh... Listen, bro, I think she might have a-"

But Finn was too upset to stop. "It's not fair! You've got no idea what it's like being me. You're surrounded by all your loyal candy subjects, but I'm pretty much the last human! There's hardly anybody who even looks like me! You don't know what it's like to be so lonely. After all I've done for Ooo, why don't I get to be happy?"

Finn breathed in and out sharply. Everyone was stunned into silence - the happy-go-lucky adventurer almost never opened up about the solitude of his humanity.

The Princess stepped calmly toward the window and stared into the distance. To only herself, she whispered, "Whatever it takes..."

She turned to Finn. "You're right, Finn. I was wrong to treat you like a child."

"Huh?" He hadn't expected to be taken seriously.

"If it seems like I'm talking down to you, it's because there's so much pressure on me. They all depend on me. Not just the candy citizens - I'm one of the most influential monarchs in the land."

She placed her hand on his. "But you feel the same pressure, don't you? I've allowed myself to depend upon you and Jake for so much. It's because I trust you completely. I feel like I know you better than any of my subjects."

Princess Bubblegum looked deep into Finn's eyes, which twinkled and blurred in a confused tangle of emotions. "You're wrong about one thing, though," she continued, "I know all about being lonely. To all of them, I'm the voice of authority or the one who fixes everything, making them feel safe. I love my subjects, yes, but I've never had time for any personal relationships. Sometimes I feel all alone. It's totally lame juice." Her eyes opened wide. "Heavy weighs the crown."

"It's a tiara," said Jake, "and it looks pretty light to me."

She smiled softly. "You know what I mean, silly. But Finn... I'm starting to realize that when you're around I don't feel like that. I get this warm bubbly feeling and I always want to smile. I'm so sorry things can't work with you and Flame Princess, but... maybe you don't have to be alone."

Finn's eyes narrowed. "What are you talking about, Princess?"

Slowly, she reached up and pulled off his hat. To avoid causing further pain from his wounds, she very tenderly placed her soft pink hand upon his cheek, then leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips. Jake slapped his hands to his cheeks in shock, dragging them down like pancake batter.

When Bubblegum pulled away, Finn's voice was strangled by confusion. "P-Princess?"

Jake grabbed the Princess roughly by the arm. "'Scuse me bro, PB and I have gotta go have boring grown up talk stuff. Be right back okay see ya!" He dragged her out the door and down the hall. To make sure Finn wouldn't follow them, he took her outside and stretched them up onto the roof. Then he said, "Just what in the blooping heck do you think you're doing, lady?"

Bubblegum brushed her hair away from her eyes. Her expression was completely serious. "Jake. Please listen to me."

"Uh uh! You're playing weird head games with my homie, and I don't like it!"

"Jake, you have to think hard about this. You know Finn can't keep seeing Flame Princess. It's not safe for anybody."

Jake pouted. He didn't want to admit it, but there was no way around it. "Well, yeah, okay. But that doesn't mean-"

"And you know Finn! Loneliness drives him crazy!" She clutched her fingers upward and shook them to illustrate her point. "Even if I forbid him, even if YOU forbid him, we can't trust him to stay away from her!"

"You... you don't know that." He didn't sound confident.

"I know he's been crazy about me for years. If he had me, he wouldn't go after-"

"Geez, Princess, do you even listen to yourself? Everything's a means to an end with you! He's only 15 years old and you're gonna mess him up! You're gonna mess up his heart guts and make all his emotional glands all twisted and gunked up and they won't work right anymore!" Jake stretched up until he was taller than the Princess. "You can't do this! I won't let you!"

Bubblegum finally lost her cool. "You will not tell me what I can't do!" she snapped. "I will do ANYTHING to protect my Kingdom and this land! It is my duty! You think you can push me around 'cause I look cute and sweet? Do you have any idea what I'm capable of? I could have one or both of them imprisoned! I could have Flame Princess snuffed out! I could even control Finn's very mind with the power of science!"

Jake's head retreated into his body. "Eeeep!" The Princess suddenly seemed a mile tall.

However, she then slumped forward and seemed near tears. "But I'm not a monster, Jake! I care about Finn and I don't want him to be unhappy! This is the only way I can ensure everyone's safety without doing something terrible. And I know lying would be unfair, but I'm not lying about my affection for Finn! Okay, so I never thought about him like that before, but I can learn to work around the age difference. Don't you see? This way it works out for everybody."

Jake regained some of his nerve. "Everybody except Flame Princess."

Bubblegum waved a hand dismissively. "Tch. She's evil anyway. I've seen her aura."

"I'm not so sure you're good either. You ever turn that aura viewer on yourself?"

She was taken aback. "I'm not evil!"

"Never said you were evil. Just not good."

Jake looked away. The Princess stared at the ground and rubbed her shoulder. Harsh words and hurt feelings infused the air with the stench of regret.

Bubblegum sighed. "Please don't tell him about this, Jake," she implored.

Jake crossed his arms. "No way man. I'm not down with this manipulative donk."

"If you won't listen to me..." She whistled sharply. Soon, Lady Rainicorn was at her side. Anyone who knew the princess would recognize the words she spoke as meaning "At your service, my Lady."

Jake's eyes widened. "Lady? You're on her side?"

At first, Lady spoke somewhat sharply with a glance at Bubblegum, who looked a bit guilty. But then she spoke softly to Jake and coiled her long flank around to rub the spot where their Rainipuppies gestated, soon to be born.

Jake's lip and jowls trembled, then he cast his glance downward. "I guess you're right, baby. Nnnnngh... Okay. Okay, I won't tell Finn. But you better treat him right, Princess!"

Bubblegum smiled a tired smile, overcome by relief. "I will, Jake. Sorry for getting all... blehhh on you back there," she said, sticking out her tounge and waving her arms around.

"Ehhh, it's cool. I'm kinda used to you talking like that when you get all mad sciency anyway."


	2. Chapter 2: Remember What You've Done

Chapter 2: Remember what you've done

Finn sat on a log and stared off into the distance. He was getting all soul-searchy again.

Jake came and sat next to him. "Hey Finn, you look depressed. You wanna go on an adventure? I got this sweet tip on a cave guarded by bats that turn into super acid-breathing dragon bats. They say that deep within it is an amulet that forces the wearer to tell the truth, as long as it's Tuesday. I mean, it's kind of a weird limitation but it still sounds pretty useful."

"That sounds pretty math, Jake, but right now I'm thinking too hard about stuff to go on an adventure."

"Oh. Okay, then. Sounded like a lot of work anyway."

The pair sat quietly. Whenever he closed his eyes, Finn was haunted by visions. He saw everything he loved consumed by fire. No matter what he did, the fire would keep spreading. The most chilling of the images, the one that really got to him, was of Princess Bubblegum slowly melting into bubblegum goop. Try as he might, he couldn't banish the image from his head. It sat on his heart like a block of ice somehow colder than regular ice, and so heavy that it pushed it down into his stomach where it burned from below with angry, popping acid. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore.

"I think I'm going to do it, Jake," he said in a faraway voice. "But first I've got to be sure."

"Oh. Uh... Okay. You gonna be back for dinner?" He looked up, but Finn was already headed toward the Candy Kingdom. "Oh... okay, then." Jake was still for a while. A little snail crawled up and waved to him. He waved back.

Finn found Princess Bubblegum walking through a beautiful garden. Upon close inspection, the flowers and shrubs were made out of taffy and cotton candy.

"Hi Princess," he said.

"Oh, hello Finn! I'm glad to see you're looking a lot better!"

Finn absent-mindedly picked a taffy petal and popped it into his mouth. "Yeah, I'm feeling healthy as a veggie plate. Um... Princess..."

"Something on your mind, Finn?"

"Yeah, there is. Princess, I need you to be honest with me. I've been thinking about what you said and... and I have to know if you really like me. I can't handle any games, Princess. Please. Please just tell me once and for all."

"Oh Finn..." They sat on a bench together. She took his hand. "Do you remember when I made you that sweater?"

"Yeah! I wore it when I fought the Lich. It... saved my life."

"I was as surprised as you were. It was so sweet the way you said it was the power of 'liking someone a lot,' but it takes a feeling a lot deeper than that to fight the Lich's evil magic. I didn't fully understand at the time, but I think I do now."

Finn couldn't find words to speak. His heart was pounding so hard he could hear it echo through his head.

"I know we might seem really different. We are in a lot of ways. But loving somebody isn't about being just like them in every way. It's about two things: how being together makes you feel and what you're willing to go through together. When you're near me I feel loved in a personal, real way I don't get anywhere else. And as for what we've been through together... Man, where would I start! I don't know what I'd do without you, Finn. You're my hero." Her pink face began to turn slightly red. "I... I'm sorry if I ever took you for granted. You're so good and pure... I feel like a better person just having you around."

Finn reeled in his seat. He wasn't sure he could stand. But he summoned up his courage and rose up.

"I... Princess, I..." He bit his lip. "I need to go. I'll see you later."

She waved to him as he left. He looked back... Finn never thought he'd see the princess look at him that way. Was this a dream?

But it wasn't, and there was hard reality to face.

* * *

"Boy, it's been a while since we've gotten to hang out like this," said Flame Princess.

Finn laughed nervously. "Yeah... it has, hasn't it?" He was sweating, and not from the heat.

"Oh, I hope you're not mad at me about last time. I didn't mean to flare up like that! Sometimes I just get so passionate, y'know?"

"Oh, don't worry about it. I'm fine."

She smiled and literally glowed. "Good! So what do you want to do? Want to see some of my fire tricks? I know you like this one!" She put her hands together and formed a complex ball of fire snaking with tendrils of flame. She shot it into the air and it exploded, briefly forming the outline of a pig in the air.

"Yeah... that's really cool, Flame Princess."

She frowned. "What's wrong, Finn? I don't like you like this. You're usually so full of energy!"

He was sweating profusely now. "Do... do you remember the time we kissed and you fell through the ground?"

"Yeah! That was super weird."

Finn shut his eyes tightly. "Do you know why your father had you imprisoned for so long?"

Flame Princess took a step back. "What? What are you saying?"

He had to say it. He had to say it. He had to say it.

"He was trying to protect you. It turns out that... if you're exposed to extreme romance, you become unstable and could melt straight to the Earth's core."

Flame Princess burned brighter, beginning to lose control of her form. "WHAT? How long have you known about this?"

"Since the time you fell, but..."

"RRRRRGH!" Flame Princess threw a tremendous bolt of fire at a nearby tree. It caught ablaze and various woodland creatures fled for their lives.

Finn took off his hat and wringed it in his hands. "We... we thought it was fixed..."

She turned on him. "WHAT. Who do you mean by 'we'?"

Finn's eyes snapped open in panic. Oh no. Oh NO.

"Is there someone else, Finn? Is there?"

"Nonono, that's not why I'm..."

"ANSWER MY QUESTION!"

Even terrified for his very life, Finn could not bring himself to lie. He fell back onto the ground. "Y... Yes."

The Princess turned into a huge wall of fire with a face. "Argh!" she shrieked. "I can't believe I bought your act! I was actually starting to believe that people were basically good! Well, now I understand!"

The wall descended upon Finn. He curled up and braced for the end. It didn't come. When he opened his eyes, he saw Flame Princess back in her normal form, except looking decidedly more sinister.

"But you know," she mused, "You did show me a good time for a while. Nobody else ever did that. I'll tell you what... I'm going to do you a big favor. More than you deserve."

"Flame Princess, I'm... I'm sorry!"

"Shut up! I'm going back to where I belong. I see now that they were afraid of my power. Well, I'm not going to let my buffoon of a father boss me around anymore. There will be some changes in the Fire Kingdom, oh yes. But first..."

She held up her fingers and they burned brighter until they were white hot. She jumped onto Finn and pinched him on the cheek, pressing down with great strength.

Finn screamed. Tears streamed down his face. "Please! Please stop!"

She let go. "There. Now you'll always remember what you've done. And listen well, Finn the Human... if you ever come to the Fire Kingdom again, I'll kill you."

She left him there, crying into the dirt, leaving a trail of fire in her wake.

* * *

He didn't stay there for long. Though it hurt, he picked himself up, stopped crying, and marched, dazed, back home. To his surprise, he found that he felt physically cold.

Jake was enjoying a spaghetti dinner when the door opened. "Oh, hey Finn... Oh geez! Oh man, oh Glob, oh man!"

"I broke up with Flame Princess," Finn deadpanned. "It didn't go that well."

"You hang tight, buddy!" Jake stretched through the house to grab the healing cyclops tears. He uncorked the bottle and splashed it on Finn's face. Finn's other burns disappeared, and the one he had just received healed, but the scar was still there.

"Oh... I guess this stuff doesn't do permanent scars," said Jake.

"Jake, I was really doing it. I was turning her good. And now she'll be evil forever."

"Oh, uh... Wow. Bummer."

Finn grabbed Jake with both hands. "I think I lumped up, man! Tell me I did the right thing! I did the right thing, didn't I?"

Finn the Hero had perhaps the strongest moral convictions in all of Ooo. Jake saw the terror in his friend's eyes that he had done something wrong. Finn couldn't bear the thought that he'd done something evil or deliberately hurt someone.

"You... did what you had to, bro. I don't think any less a' you."

Finn got up and dove behind the couch. He pulled out his prized possession, a lock of Princess Bubblegum's hair.

Jake winced. "Dude, you still keep that thing around? I thought..."

"Well, I don't need it anymore!" He opened the window and threw it out. "Now I can be with her for real." He opened the door. "I'm coming, my Princess."

"Ohhhhhh," Jake moaned. "BMO, what do I do? I feel like I've really let down my best friend by keeping stuff from 'im!"

"Oh no you don't, Jake," said BMO. "You're not dragging me into this hyper-mess." BMO's face immediately changed to a screensaver of an endless game of Pong.


	3. Chapter 3: Finn and Bonnibel

Chapter 3: Finn and Bonnibel

"Finn the Human to see you, your majesty," intoned Peppermint Butler.

"Please, send him in." said Princess Bubblegum as she rose from her throne.

Finn stepped into the light. His scar was plainer than the nose which may or may not be on his face.

Princess Bubblegum gasped. "My goodness! Butler, guards, please leave us."

The banana guards shuffled awkwardly out of the throne room. Peppermint Butler excused himself with a bow, saying, "Your majesty."

Finn and the Princess approached each other. "You don't have to worry about me and FP anymore, Princess," said Finn.

"Finn! Did she hurt you?"

Finn put up a brave front, as usual. "Aw, no way. She just gave me a cool hero scar. Every great adventurer ends up with a cool scar sooner or later, right?"

"Well, I'm glad you're all right. And I'm proud of you for doing the responsible thing."

Finn rubbed the back of his neck. "Um, Princess..."

She clasped her hands and smiled sweetly. "You know, Finn, you can call me 'Bonnibel.' I'm not just your Princess anymore."

Finn's eyes got huge. "Really? You mean..."

"Yep! I'm also your girlfriend." She giggled, demurely placing her hand over her mouth. "If you'll have me."

Finn's eyes shined like the sun. "Bonnibel... I.. Aw man... Argh!" He hit himself on the head.

"What's wrong, Finn?"

"I'm so dumb, I'm blowing it... I've dreamt of this moment for so long, but now I don't know what to do or say."

The Princess put her hands on Finn's shoulders. "Relax, Finn. Don't be tense. You don't have to do or say anything special to impress me - you've already done that with your bravery, your heroism, and just by being an all-around great guy."

"But there was something I wanted to say. Bonnibel, I've loved you for almost as long as I've known you. You're so pretty, and smart, and cool... but you never loved me back. What changed? Why do you want me now?"

"Well, I thought you were too young for me. People would probably say you still are, but... Watching you grow up has been amazing. I've come to admire you so much. The way you never hesitate to do what's right shows a maturity beyond your years. So when you said I shouldn't treat you like a child... I realized it was time to stop."

Bubblegum put her arms around Finn and held him close to her. He shut his eyes.

"I know I've hurt you in the past," she said. "I'm sorry. I know I seem aloof sometimes, but I'm just not good at personal relationships."

Finn looked up. "Huh? But everybody likes you, Princess!"

She shook her head. "Nobody really knows me. My brain is fantastic at science, but it's not wired for people." Bubblegum's voice shook slightly as her own honesty took her by surprise. Things weren't going the way she'd imagined. She hadn't planned to open up to Finn like this so quickly. It was only then she realized how long it'd been since she'd had the chance to do so with anyone. "I'm good at keeping on a smile, looking sweet and cute, but... sometimes I'm cruel without even trying to be." She closed her eyes.

Finn gave her a hug. "C'mon, Bonny. I think you're way nicer than you think you are. Think of all the radical times we've had. And now that we're together, I can't wait to spend as much time with you as I can."

"Oh, Finn..." Something close to tears stuck in the Princess's eyes. "You're so sweet." She smiled, backed away, and put her hand on her hip. "Now that you're my boyfriend, though, we've got to do something about those clothes."

"Huh?" Finn reflexively protected his hat with his arms. "No way, my hat is awesome!"

Princess Bubblegum waved her hands. "No, your hat is mad awesome. I'm talking about the rest of your clothes. They kind of say... 'little boy.' Plus, they're beaten up and you've grown out of them."

Finn looked down at himself. "Oh yeah," he said. "I Guess maybe it is time to retire the ol' baby-blues."

The Princess clapped her hands. "I'll have new garments made for you immediately!"

When Finn went home that night, he was looking quite dapper in dark jeans, a brilliant white shirt with an open neck and a black vest. He opened the door to his treehouse to find Jake eating ice cream using a scoop. He was on his fourth tub.

"Hey man," said Finn, "Whatcha doing? Shouldn't you slow down a tid? You're gonna get the brain crag."

"Wha- Nothing! I'm not medicating deeply repressed emotional turmoil, if that's what you're asking!" shouted Jake.

Finn shrugged. "Uh... okay." He plopped down on the couch and sighed. "You know, Jake, I think things are gonna turn out just fine. I couldn't believe it, but the Princess really is crazy about me."

Jake finally stopped eating. "Well, as long as you're happy, dude."

"She even told me she's going to hold a big event soon where she's going to show me how much I mean to her. You're invited too, man. It's formal dress, so you might wanna wear a collar or something."

Jake put the lid on his last tub of ice cream. "That's fine. But Finn... Uhh... just make sure you're not in over your head with this Princess Bubblegum dame."

"It's totally cool, Jake. I know she's way smarter than me, but she already told me it's not about having everything in common." He thumped his chest. "It's what's in here that counts."

It wasn't what he meant, but Jake had a promise to keep. "All right, man. All right."

* * *

All the candy notables had gathered in the throne room, where Finn knelt and Jake stood before Princess Bubblegum. There were also a few special guests, including Lumpy Space Princess, who was mainly there for the free food. Everyone was dressed as formally as their various morphic structures would allow. Finn wore a stunning deep blue coat with golden trim, and had even removed his famous hat for the occasion. His golden hair, combed for once, fell to his shoulders.

"Finn the Human and Jake the Dog," said Princess Bubblegum. "For too long, your many services to the Candy Kingdom have gone without official recognition. Jake, I hereby present you with this Royal Medal of Valor." It was a golden dog tag; she clipped it to the collar that Jake was wearing.

"Oh boy, my own medal. This is going right over the TV."

"And Finn." The Princess unsheathed a sword with pink candy stripes going down the length of its blade. "Your service has been incalculable, and We wish it to continue in a more official capacity. That is why I am offering you the chance to become the First Knight of the Candy Kingdom. Do you accept?"

"I do, Princess."

She knighted him with the sword. "Then rise, Sir Finn. I have a special gift for you." The Princess sheathed her sword, then opened an ornate box and removed a round, golden shield with a design of a wrapped piece of candy on it. "This shield is one of my most prized possessions. It is made of an incredibly dense material made by colliding basic candy particles together at intense speeds; it took over five years to make enough to construct this shield. I don't like to toss around the word "unbreakable," but let's just say by the time a blow would put a dent or crack in this baby, you'd be less worried about that and more about the transfer of momentum turning you into applesauce."

Finn took the shield. His face shined gold in its reflection. Almost breathlessly, he exclaimed, "Algebraic!"

"Hey," said Jake, "How come he gets to be a knight and I don't? Not really complaining, just curious."

"I think you have other responsibilities to worry about," said Bubblegum. From the sidelines, Lady Rainicorn smiled and waved to Jake.

"Oh yeah, I'm puppies. Man, I really need to start thinking more about that."

Princess Bubblegum raised her arms. "Then let the ceremony be concluded!" There was much cheering.

"Guh, like, whatever," said Lumpy Space Princess. "I already knew Finn was totally awesome. I wrote about it in my book."

Slowly, she drifted away from the crowd and outside. She came across a small fence where the tops of the posts were candy canes. "Hmm... They probably won't mind if I just take a few of these." She began to break off and gather them. After a while, she happened to look up and see Finn and Princess Bubblegum standing alone together by a balcony window.

They were holding hands and laughing together.

LSP dropped her candy canes. "OH."

Finn and the Princess held both hands and stared meaningfully into each other's eyes.

"MY."

They leaned forward and began to kiss, and Bubblegum reached out and threw the curtain closed.

"GLOB."

Lumpy Space Princess flipped open her cell phone, revealing an extraordinarily long contact list.

* * *

Flame Princess smiled triumphantly. Flame guards stood in the corners of the room, held back by confusion and fear. "So, how does it feel?" she said.

Her father answered from inside the same lamp structure that once imprisoned her. "Honestly? I'm so proud. A father always dreams of the day his daughter will become evil enough to overthrow him, but I never thought it would be so soon. *sniff* My little girl..."

"That's just awesome," she said. She looked around at the other flame elementals and frowned. "I'm glad I came back. What kind of evil kingdom is this, anyway? Are we content to be left here in this corner of Ooo like refuse? No one fears us! Are you simpering fools really satisfied with the status quo?"

One flame person in the audience began to smile and wave his arms around. "Yaaaaaay! Status quo! Status Quo! Status-"

Flame Princess obliterated him with a fireball. "No! No, it's time to expand our ambitions. Let's heat things up."


	4. Chapter 4: Her Pet Human

Chapter 4: Her Pet Human

Sir Finn spent a lot of time with his Princess. He assisted her with her science experiments. They ate together, whether at picnics, official dinners, or just hanging around Finn's house. She even made the time to go on a few old-fashioned adventures with him and Jake, and it turned out she was crazy good at it. At night, she would look through her telescope and explain the various constellations and nebulae to Finn, who would nod as he rested his head in her lap, feeling pure contentment. But best of all, he could hold, kiss and touch her without ever fearing being called "too young" or being told to stop "being weird." It was like he'd always dreamed of, and he was so happy.

Word of their romantic entanglement had gotten around, though, and certain candy people seemed to find it funny for some reason. Faces would glance at him out of windows, giggle, and slide away. And then there was the conversation he overheard in an alley in one of the seedier parts of the Kingdom while on patrol.

"And I thought I was going to get away with it," said one candy thug, "but it turned out the Princess's pet human was there. What a drag."

Realizing they were talking about him, Finn hid behind some crates. "Yeah," he heard another one say, "but ain't it funny the way she keeps that kid around? The Princess has got some weird tastes, brother."

"Well, it must have certain advantages. She's got him wrapped so far around her little finger she might as well have a leash."

They all started laughing. Finn ground his teeth, but he knew it wouldn't exactly be heroic to beat them up just for making fun of him, so he just left frustrated.

Finn found Princess Bubblegum in her lab. "Hey Bonnibel," he said.

"Hey sweetie. Don't forget to wear eye protection in here, and keep 20 feet back from the cutting lasers."

He watched for a while as she operated a console and a large cube of nougat was cut into various shapes, all of which seemed to have some kind of basic sentience.

"That's enough for now," she said after a while, removing her goggles. "Walk with me. So, what's up?"

Finn scuffed at the ground. "Some of your subjects are making fun of me. They call me your 'pet human.'"

"I'm sorry Finn. I love my candy people, but they can be kind of simple-minded, and they like to gossip. Don't let it bother you."

"I know I shouldn't, I just feel like I deserve a little more respect."

"But I respect you! You know you're my hero, Finn."

There was the sound of broken glass. "What's that?" said Finn.

"I think it came from the main hall! C'mon!"

They rushed in and found the Ice King, who'd come in through the window. "Hey Princess! Do you want to be my wife yet? I just got a karaoke machine! That proves I'm a fun guy, right? Oh, we'd have so much fun together!"

(Back at the Ice Palace, Gunter held a microphone and strutted around in front of a screen, quacking to the tune of "These Lumps." The other penguins applauded enthusiastically.)

"Rrrrgh!" growled Princess Bubblegum. "Ice King, can't you at least use the door?"

"I would, but your guards are really annoying. Every time I ask if I can come in and kidnap you they say no."

"Ice King, I would never be your wife anyway, but it so happens that I now have a boyfriend!"

The Ice King slapped his cheeks in shock. "Whaaaaat?" He began charging up ice magic in his hands, shaking in anger. "Who is it? Who?"

"It's me," said Finn.

The Ice King stopped charging his magic and spoke quietly, more confused than angry. "What, you and the kid?" He twisted up his face. "That's gross."

"You're gross!" Finn shouted, accurately.

"That doesn't even make any sense," said Bubblegum. "I'm way more too young for you than he is for me!"

"Ohhhhh, you took my favorite princess! That does it, I'm gonna kill you, Finn!"

Finn prepared for battle. "I'd like to see you try it, Simon!"

The Ice King groaned. "Ohhh, WHY does everybody keep calling me that?" He directed an ice blast at Finn, who deflected it with his shield.

Finn leapt at the Ice King while slashing with his sword, narrowly missing him. "Because it's your name, you old freak!"

"I'm a freak?" said the Ice King, charging another spell. "You're the one who- Ahh!" His crown was suddenly knocked off by a gumball-shaped projectile.

"ENOUGH," said Princess Bubblegum, lowering the gun she'd retrieved just steps away. "Ice King, how dare you? You do not have permission to be here!"

"Whoa," said Finn, "Killer shot, Princess."

"C'mon, baby," said the Ice King, "I thought we could..."

"Don't you even have a basic sense of gratitude?" asked Bubblegum. "I saved your life, Ice King."

"I know," moped Ice King. "I thought maybe it meant you were starting to like me a little."

"Urgggh," she growled. "Just go."

Ice King retrieved his crown and flew back out the window. "All right," he moaned, "I'm going..."

"Eh, I could've handled him," said Finn.

"I know, I'm just getting *really* sick of dealing with Ice King. Peppermint Butler!"

"Yes, my lady!" He immediately appeared directly behind Finn.

"Yee!" Finn jumped out of the way. "Where does that guy come from?"

"Peppermint Butler, get someone to clean up the mess Ice King made. Also, let's see about reinforcing these windows, huh?"

"Yes, your majesty."

* * *

Finn's nerves were kind of jangled when he got home. Jake was out with Lady Rainicorn (he had been a lot, lately), so Finn decided he was just going to pour himself a soda and play some video games. As he walked into the kitchen, however, a face hanging upside down came level with his. Finn nearly lost his footing in shock, but was able to play it off.

"Hey, Finn."

"Marceline? What are you doing here? How long have you been here?"

"Used to be my place. Kind of still is. I let myself in."

Finn retrieved the soda from the fridge. "Well, um... what's shaking, Marcy?"

"I don't know how Lumpy Space Princess even got my number, but I heard about you and Princess Bubblegum."

"Aw, c'mon, Marceline!" Finn slumped into a chair in frustration. "How come everybody wants to get in my biz?"

"Look, kid - I'm just trying to warn you. I know Bonnibel Bubblegum, and to suddenly hear she's kissing on ya, I know something weird is going on. She's using you, dude." She poked him in the chest.

"Why would you say that? How do you know her, anyway?"

"Not important to this discussion. Hey, weren't you seeing that fire chick?"

Finn explained the danger that Flame Princess presented to the world.

"Ohhhh," said Marceline, "I get it now. Man, I didn't even think Bonnibel was that messed up. Okay, kid. You're not gonna like this, but let me tell you about Bubblegum. She sees people like pieces on a game board, and..."

Finn placed his hand over his eyes. "Stop. Marceline, just stop."

"Hm?"

"Whatever you're about to tell me, I won't believe it. I can't believe it. She loves me. That's all I know, and that's all I need to know."

Marceline raised an eyebrow. "You're serious?"

"...Yes."

The vampiress whistled. "Man, this one goes in deep, doesn't it?" She shrugged. "Oh well, I tried. Enjoy your pretty princess, Finn." She began to float out the window. "I hope it ends up being worth it."

"Ugggh," moaned Finn after she left, and slammed his head down sideways on the table. "Well, today sucked out loud. At least it's not going to get any worse."

The phone began to ring. Without moving his head from its position on the table, Finn reached over and picked it up. "You got Finn the Human. What's happening?"

"Sir Finn," said Peppermint Butler, "Your presence is urgently requested at the palace. There is a terrible emergency."


	5. Chapter 5: Fire and Ice

Chapter 5: Fire and Ice

When he arrived at the palace, Finn was directed to a table where Princess Bubblegum, Jake and Flambo sat.

"What's going on, guys?" he asked. "Flambo, what are you doing here?"

Princess Bubblegum said, "We've received word that the Goblin Kingdom has been conquered by the Fire Kingdom. Flambo says that they plan to invade the grasslands next, and then Candy Kingdom itself!"

"What? Why?"

"It all started when the King's daughter came back," said Flambo. "The broad had gone totally bananas. First she takes over the kingdom, which, you know, whatever. But then she says we gotta expand our territory."

Finn grabbed his head in his hands. "Flame Princess! Oh no, this is all my fault!"

Flambo crunched on a briquette from a bag of charcoal sitting next to him, likely provided by the Princess. "Now here's da thing, and why I'm warnin' youse. Most of us, we're not so crazy 'bout this new direction. People are only going along with the Flame Queen 'cause they's scared of her. All youse gotta do is fight your way to that nutso skirt, snuff her out, and the rest will probably surrender on condition we gets to keep our original territory."

Finn slammed his fist down on the table. "I'll go, Princess! This is my responsibility!"

"Finn," said Bubblegum, "Don't be crazy. Going by yourself would be suicide. I have weapons and armor that will be effective against the Fire elementals, and I can mobilize the banana guards by tomorrow."

"Really?" asked Jake. "How come you're so well-prepared?"

"A good leader is always prepared, Jake. I was never quite sure about that Fire Kingdom."

Finn said, "Hey, I bet I could get the Marauders to help us. They're always looking for a fight, and they think Jake and I are super awesome."

"Still not gonna be enough," said Flambo. "She figures she's the main target, so you can't just sneak up on 'er. Youse is gonna be way outnumbered, and for some reason, the Queen herself just keeps getting more powerful."

"It's her unstable elemental matrix again," said Bubblegum. "Another problem with it is that the angrier she gets, the more intense her flame.

"Wait a minute, I know what would give us a huge advantage!" said Jake. He pointed at Flambo. "You fire guys are super weak to ice. It was how the conspirators tried to kill the King, remember?"

There was silence at the table for a few seconds.

"Yup, said Jake. "If we knew anybody with ice powers, we'd be set."

Simultaneously, Finn and Princess Bubblegum put their hands to their heads and groaned.

"What?" said Jake.

* * *

"And that's why we're asking for your help, Ice King," finished Princess Bubblegum. She and Finn were at the Ice King's doorstep, wearing parkas.

"Hmm," said Ice King, rubbing his chin. "Nope, I don't feel like it, go away."

"Aw c'mon Ice King," said Finn. "You wanted to be friends, right? This would go a long way towards that."

Ice King jabbed his finger toward Finn. "FRIENDS don't steal FRIENDS' favorite princesses!"

"If this keeps up, Ice King, there won't be any more princesses left at all," said Bubblegum.

"That is concerning, I admit, but I'll deal with it on my own time. I don't like you two any more."

"Uh... Ice King, if you did this, we'd think you were a super cool guy," said the Princess.

"Wha... Really? Me? You really mean it?"

"Oh yeah! Totally super cool," confirmed Finn.

"Not that we'd invite you to anything or ever come over or anything like that, but every time we thought of you? We'd go, 'Man, that Ice King is suuuuuper cool," enthused Bubblegum, placing her palms out parallel to each other for emphasis. Finn nodded enthusiastically.

"Wow, a super cool guy..." said the Ice King, staring upward. "I mean, uh, not good enough. C'mon, what else you gonna give me?" He made greedy grabbing motions with his hands.

Finn sighed. "Heroism demands sacrifice," he said quietly. "Okay Ice King. If you help us out, I will come over once a month and hang out with you all afternoon. We'll play video games or something. It'll be rad."

The Ice King was stunned. "You- You mean it? You'd hang out with me like a true bro?"

Finn braced himself. "Yes. Yes, Ice King, I totally would."

"He means it! I'm not even sure he's capable of lying!" said the Princess.

"Well, okay then. Hey, gimme a fist bump, bro!" He extended his fist weakly.

Finn shuddered, but bumped the Ice King's fist nonetheless.

* * *

The next night, Finn came to the Princess's bedchambers. The two were alone save for the tiny abominations the Princess liked to play with in her aquarium. Joined together by glued limbs, the cute monstrosities wriggled happily. The windows offered a sweeping view of the palace grounds, the town walls, and a night sky barely different from our own. One could catch a glimpse, if one leaned outward, of one of the Gumball Guardians, silently ready to protect the Kingdom as ever.

"The preparations are done. We march tomorrow," said Finn.

"Excellent job. It wasn't easy to do everything so quickly."

"Bonnibel," started Finn, and stopped.

"Yes, Finn?"

"This might be the last time I see you..."

"Don't talk like that! We're gonna kick butt. Anyway, I'm coming with you."

Finn was startled. "You are? But Princess..."

"It's as much my fault as yours. Who told you you had to break up with Flame Princess? I could've handled that better."

"Yeah."

"Plus, I'm a killer shot. You said so, remember?"

"Yeah. It's just that... if anything happened to you, I'd flip out."

She took his hands. "You're sweet. I can handle myself, don't worry."

"These last few weeks have been the best time of my life," said Finn. "Just knowing that you love me, and you trust me... and I can touch you without having to peel melted skin off for days..."

"Heh heh. It can get a bit sticky though."

Finn blushed and looked away. They both had a good laugh.

"Oh, Finn. It's been cool for me too. I never thought I'd open up to someone like this. To everyone else, even if I'm right there, I seem so far away... like I'm always standing at the top of a tower, waving down at them. With you, I feel so close."

Finn buried half his face in the Princess's chest and held her tightly. "I love you, Bonnibel," he said.

Princess Bubblegum was shocked by the starkness of Finn's sincerity. It was so simple, so pure, so free of consideration. He spoke the words because they beat around inside his chest like crows trying to get free, because he felt he might melt if he didn't say them. Suddenly, as if by heat transfer, she felt what he did. She felt the happiness so potent that it's also a kind of sadness, the thirst where you drink and drink but you still thirst just the same. Tears came to her eyes. "I love you too, Finn," she said, and she meant it, but was it too late? What had she already done? How could she have taken a boy's heart, red and pumping, because it was the optimal solution to a problem, even a crisis? Had there been another way?

It had seemed so simple to her until just now. Everything had been part of an enormous logic puzzle, and no one was more logical than her. No, she had never deliberately been cruel - she just tried to do what logic dictated. And though she had always made an effort to be nice to others, now she understood why even as she smiled and tried to be helpful, some found her cold.

Should she tell him?

She looked at Finn. He looked at her like a shipwreck survivor looks at a rescue boat.

No, telling him now would only hurt him. It was better to let it be.

Neither of them left the room until morning.

* * *

The "Army" consisted of one princess, one teenage hero, one magical dog, one Ice King, and a few dozen Banana Guards and Marauders. They wielded guns that shot either a close range extinguishing spray or projectiles that burst into the same spray upon impact. Some, but not all, wore heat-resistant armor; everyone had a shield. Flambo had cast Flame Shield on them, which would help but hardly made them invulnerable to fire. They were to be hopelessly outnumbered by beings of pure flame.

It occurred to Princess Bubblegum that this really might be the end. She tried to pretend that it didn't.

"That's IT?" said Flambo. "Boy, youse are doomed. Well, good luck anyways."

"Hey, Bro?" said the Ice King, floating over to Finn.

"Uh, yeah, Super Cool Guy?"

"Dude, what?" said Jake.

"Just roll with it! We need this dinkus!" hissed Finn.

"Is that by any chance a magical sword you've got there?" Ice King asked, clasping his hands and grinding his foot into the dirt like a schoolgirl.

Finn took out his sword. "Uh... it's made of demon's blood, so... maybe?"

"Let's find out," said Ice King. He waved his hands. "Faceret illud frigus."

Finn's sword turned blue, glowed, and became so cold that he felt it through the gloves he wore as part of his armor. "Whoa!" said Finn.

"Yep, receptive to enchantments," said Ice King, satisfied. "Now it's got the power of ice!"

"Dude, you are a trillion times more awesome than I thought you were," said Finn.

"Really? That many times?"

"We... aren't starting with a high number."

"Finn," said Princess Bubblegum, "I need you to focus on finding Flame Princess. You're the most capable warrior we've got. Somebody who could fly would be ideal, but Lady Rainicorn is way too preggos to fight and we can't count on you know who to do anything that important."

Ice King snorted. "Boy, I'd hate to be whoever she's talking about."

"Got it Princess; I won't let you down," said Finn. "All right everybody!" He raised his sword into the air. "What time is it?"

"Battle time!" they shouted, and on they marched.

Unfortunately for them, Flame Princess had seen some kind of treachery coming. They were met near the border by what seemed to be a sea of fire with hundreds of faces. They were also met with a hail of fiery projectiles, most of which bounced off their shields but which set two banana guards ablaze.

Fearlessly and with a mighty cry, Finn dove into the flaming hordes, swinging away. Fire elementals evaporated before his icy blade. Soon he could no longer be seen.

Jake stretched himself up into a huge fire blanket and extinguished a group of fire soldiers. "Ow, hot hot hot!" he shouted.

Ice King took to the sky. "Super Cool Guy coming through!" he shouted, absolutely devastating the horde with waves of ice. It quickly became clear that he was by far the greatest threat on their side, so Bubblegum didn't expect him to last long. He might as well have a target painted on him, she thought.

Sure enough, less than a minute into the fight the Ice King barely dodged an especially hot fireball. "Whoa!" he shouted. "That was a close-" and another one just like it smacked into him, knocking him to the ground far below.

Somewhere amid the confusion, Finn looked up and saw the Ice King fall. More importantly, he saw that the blasts had come from a certain cave otherwise obscured by darkness. "Flame Princess!" he said.

Back on the front, the few foot soldiers sprayed away swaths of fire, but they were quickly replaced. Princess bubblegum could now see more melted bananas than not. The Marauders were a hardy bunch, one of them near her continuing to fight unperturbed by the fact of his beard being on fire. She aimed her gun high to get a wider spread.

Meanwhile, Jake the Dog had become a giant and was stamping out flames with four boot-shaped legs. He also seemed to be singing some kind of song about stomping on fires. No matter what the situation, Jake was irrepressibly Jake.

Flipping, jumping and diving to avoid fiery limbs, Finn reached the wall. He scaled it quickly, leaping from foothold to wall to foothold. When he landed in the cave, he panted several times then whispered, "skilllllls." Immediately, however, he had to throw up his shield to block a huge fireball, and was barely able to brace himself from being thrown from the cave's lip. In the light from the fire, he saw her. She turned and ran, and he followed.

* * *

"Simon."

"Simon."

"...Oh, yes. Has it really been that long since I spoke to you directly?"

"Ice King."

"Wha?"

"Get up, Ice King."

"No, I'm dead."

"You're not."

"Okay, not technically, but just let me die here, okay? I had a good run."

"You will not die here, Ice King."

"Oh, really?"

"You will NEVER die, Ice King. Do you not remember? That was my one promise to you, and I have kept it for over a thousand years. Get up."

Moaning in pain and self-pity, Ice King got up. "Whuzza... who's talkinna me?" He looked around and saw the glint of something golden. "Oh, my crown. Gotta get my crown." He began to stagger toward it. "Ohh... no wonder nobody loves me, I'm useless. I'm just gonna go home and write some fan fiction. Fionna understands me."

He glanced up briefly and saw the Flame Princess emerge from a cave and onto a ledge, followed by Finn.

"Huh," said Ice King. "I bet he doesn't even really think I'm Super Cool. More like Super Old, and Lonely, and Depressed, and Stupid."

* * *

"Flame Princess!" shouted Finn. "It doesn't have to be like this!"

She turned on him. "Oh, I disagree, Finn!" She created a shield and sword, mirroring his, out of fire. "This is exactly how it should be! I knew it would end like this! One of us dies, Finn. Let's rumble!"

They fought across a long ledge. Finn pushed her with his shield, but to his surprise she pushed back just as hard. He jumped to avoid a low swing.

"It wasn't an act, Flame Princess! People are good, they just make mistakes! I'm sorry!"

"Shut up!" she shouted, and thrust at him. He parried, aware that as much heat as he felt coming off of her, she could probably kill him in short order if she dropped the swordfight concept and went nova on him. Was there still some hope? Maybe he could still save her! He backed away slowly.

Just then, Jake the Dog saw his best friend appearing to lose a swordfight. "Hang on, buddy, I'm coming!" he bellowed, and stretched over the whole battle. In mere seconds he was nearly upon Flame Princess, but she turned and let loose a tremendous blast at him, knocking him out. Jake retracted as he fell, and when he landed, he looked for all the world like a sad little dog left to die in the gutter.

"JAKE!" shouted Finn. He shook, tears began to fall, and he looked at Flame Princess with a horrified mix of disbelief, disgust, and anger.

"Yes," she hissed. "See how I can take things you love away, too!"

Finn screamed and let loose with everything he had, madly throwing himself into a reckless but shockingly effective assault. He slashed right through her several times, but because she was made of fire, though the wounds hurt her, they did not bleed. It couldn't last. She recovered. Though Finn overcome by rage was an impressive sight, he still had a limited supply of energy and hers seemed boundless.

They fought on, and in the flickering of all the flames, from the ground the battle was lit by a strobe effect and seemed a series of still pictures. Again and again, their swords met in a beautiful blue and red burst of sparks and steam.

Far below, Princess Bubblegum kept moving back and trying to get in position for a long-range shot at Flame Princess, but there were too many in front of her.

After a while, Finn began to seriously run out of gas. She was overcoming him now.

"Flame Princess," he pleaded. "Flame Princess, please..."

She grinned madly. "I promised you, Finn. Here it comes."

* * *

Ice King found his crown and put it on. "Yep... just gonna go home..."

Inside his brain was an endless maze of ice. Once it had been a simple maze, but as the time passed it had increased in complexity. Now it no longer seemed to have any exits.

Tucked away in a corner so remote and random you could literally search for a millennium without finding it, there was a tiny spark. This was all that remained of the man who had been Simon Petrikov. Long ago, it had given up on finding exits. It only made the maze grow faster, and the last time he found one, 500 years ago, it had only bought him enough time to gasp out the word "Betty."

Since then, however, it had discovered something else. If it vibrated slowly in place, it could slowly - VERY slowly - increase its strength. This saved up strength could be expelled in one burst, and if it aimed at the walls, maybe some light would get through. It would have to be very strong indeed, for the walls were so, so thick. And it would only work once before the crown would figure it out.

The spark had saved its power. It could see through the Ice King's eyes. It was saving it for the most important moment. When Ice King built the hideous fortress, forever dooming himself to miserable solitude, it saved it. When the Ice King kidnapped princesses and threatened them with death, it saved it. When Marceline, reduced to tears, begged him with all she was worth to please, Simon, show some sign, any tiny sign of recognition, it saved it. It was waiting for the most important moment. It looked through the Ice King's eyes now.

When you've had enough time to yourself, seeing the potential future is just a matter of some relatively (for you) simple calculations.

Finn the Hero would die within the next minute. Bubblegum and her remaining forces would fall not long after. Buoyed by their victory, the Fire Elementals would find true loyalty in their Queen and march straight for Candy Kingdom, overcoming it in less than an hour. That is when Marceline would show up, and the truly terrible battle would begin as she would make a deal with her father to unleash the hordes of the Nightosphere against the flames in an effort to somehow preserve what remained of Ooo. The math got too complicated after that, but would it really matter at that point who won?

This world was strange and alien to Simon, but bizarre though their forms became, there was no doubt these were people. He couldn't watch the world end twice.

The spark focused its stored energy and let go.

* * *

Even if you were looking straight at the Ice King, you would barely have noticed. For just the briefest moment, his features softened, and he was Simon again. "Oh," he said.

The punishment the spark would endure for this was unimaginable - picture a cage within a cage - but the Ice King would not forget what Simon had made him think. He wouldn't remember Simon, or little Marceline, or the Mushroom War. He wouldn't even remember Betty. But he would remember that he had a job to do.

He rose up and cast a bolt of ice at Flame Princess. Thought it would have extinguished the others, it evaporated on her. It was just to get her attention.

"Huh?" she said, looked upward, and froze.

Ice king quickly worked his hands around and around, forming a sphere. A ball of blue light formed and soon engulfed him, and then it began to twist. It twisted faster and faster and now the wind whipped through the area, and absolutely everyone stopped to witness the first exercise of the full extent of the crown's terrible power in centuries.

Ice King pointed his hands at Flame Princess. There was a deafening crack, and where she had stood there was only a tremendous block of ice.

All around, there was nothing but confused silence.

"Is it over?" said Princess Bubblegum, "Did Ice King really pull it off?"

Finn was too shocked to even speak. Physically exhausted, he sat down.

"Everyone!" shouted Bubblegum. Everyone turned to look at her. "The battle is-"

"Wait!" screamed Finn. Everyone turned to look at the ice again. It was melting, and rather quickly.

Bubblegum recoiled in horror. "No, it's impossible..."

Finn stood back up. The ice cube was rapidly shrinking, and starting to form a shape. It seemed that just before she was frozen, Flame Princess had attempted to slash toward Finn.

"Uhh..." said the Ice King. "I'm kinda outta juice here, guys. Takes a little while to recharge. Heh heh... Hey, wait a minute. Finn, right as she unfreezes, can't you just end it by chopping her head off?" He made a slashing motion with his arms.

"Uhh... Yeah!" said Finn. He stepped toward her head and raised his sword. "Okay... Uh... I'm..."

("Thank you for building my new home, Finn," said the Flame Princess. "I'm so happy."

"You... wanna hug?"

"Yes.")

Finn sank to his knees. "I can't do it..." He removed his helmet and started to cry.

Far away, Bubblegum found her range. "I can do it!" she said. "Gotta adjust for wind... all the hot air in here... gravity over that distance... only get one shot..."

Flame Princess unfroze. She gasped, now weakened to almost nothing. Her flame was nearly out. Her sword, however, was still intact. Gripping it, she turned on Finn, and was struck by a balloon-like projectile, spattering her with foam.

"I did it!" shouted Princess Bubblegum. "Holy blooping Gob, one shot and I actually did it! I only ever shot from HALF that distance! Ha ha!"

Finn crawled to the Flame Princess and took her in his arms. She looked just like the beautiful girl he met when he pulled her out of the rain that awful night.

"I was... right... Finn," she croaked. "One of us..."

She dissolved into a pile of ash.

(Childishly blushing, Finn kissed the rock and handed it to Flame Princess.

Somehow, he could tell that she was blushing too as she kissed it herself and handed it back to him.)

Almost every part of Finn wanted to nothing but shut down and never move again. There was just a tiny piece of him jumping up and down and trying to shout something at the rest of him. Something about... cake? Man, this was not the time for cake. What was it? Shake? Bake?

"Jake," he squeaked out. "Jake!"

In a few leaps, Finn jumped down from the ledge and found his dog, blackened but breathing. He tore off parts of his own armor until he found the pouch where he'd kept it... the last of the cyclops juice. He splashed it onto Jake.

Jake sprung up, good as new. "Aaaaaah! Whoa, thanks dude! I thought this was my croak time for real, and I didn't even see the Space Owl! That's no way to go!"

Finn tackled Jake and cried huge, lumpy sobs, getting tears and snot all over his best friend. "Jake... Jake..." he said.

"Whoa, hey, it's okay old buddy! Just hold on to your big bro, and everything'll be all right."

Finn buried his head deeper in Jake's fur until he couldn't see anything but the dark.

* * *

Finn missed the negotiations for peace. He even missed the memorial services for the fallen. He stayed in his room and wouldn't let anybody but Jake come in for three entire days. On the fourth day, he emerged. He was wearing his old clothes again, but they seemed new. They fit better, too.

"Thanks for having these made for me, bro. You're the best," he said.

"So you're ready to come out now, Finn?" asked Jake. "And why did you ask it as 'one last favor?' You're scarin' me, man."

"I'm sorry, Jake. You can come to the castle with me if you want, but it's not gonna be much fun."

"Ohhh..." moaned Jake.

"Well, we can put it off. I do have to go one other place first."

* * *

"Thank you for saving my life, Ice King. I'm sorry I won't be able to keep my promise to you, but I want you to know that I really do think you're a cool guy."

"Oh... really? Geez, I... thanks," said Ice King, with rare sincerity.

"And Simon, I want you to have this." Finn removed his hat and handed it to Ice King. "I hope you find yourself again someday."

Jake was so shocked he turned inside out. He turned back right and said "Finn! You can't give him your hat! It's your HAT! No, it's THE hat, man!"

Finn laughed and rubbed Jake's head. "I know, dude. That's why I wanted to give it to him. I wanted it to be something personal and special."

Ice King regarded the hat with awe. He looked at Finn with dewy eyes. "But... why would you give this... to me?"

"Just to show my appreciation. Good luck, man."

Ice King lost it and rolled around on the floor holding the hat and crying. "Oh thank you Finn! I'll treasure it forever! I do have real friends! I really do! Ohohoho I'm so happy!"

Finn smiled as he walked away. Jake stretched after him.

"Finn, why are you acting so calm? This ain't normal, Finn..."

* * *

"FINN!" "Oh FINN!" "I was so worried! I even went over to your house and you wouldn't come out!" shouted Bubblegum Princess. She ran at him and gave him a tight hug. He didn't return it.

"I came to give you this back, actually," he said, handing her the golden shield. "I hope you find a hero worthy of it someday."

"Wait, what?"

"In the end, I couldn't face my responsibility. I'm no knight." He shrugged. "I'm just a kid, still figuring things out."

"I... I don't understand."

Finn sighed. "Bonnibel, I know that you said you'd be my girlfriend just to save Ooo from the Flame Princess."

The Princess was speechless. She took a step back, and then another, as if losing her balance. "Who told you that?"

"It wasn't me!" shouted Jake. Finn turned and looked at him in mild surprise. "Eungh... sorry, man," Jake added.

"I figured it out eventually; I'm just slow, not dumb. Princess, it's messed up using people like that. You have to stop."

"Finn..." Bonnibel began to cry, but held her resolve even as the tears traced her face. "You're building up to leaving. Please don't, Finn! I admit I was wrong! I messed up really bad!"

"I can't stay. You killed Flame Princess, Bonnibel."

She grabbed his arm. "Finn, at long last, won't you listen to reason? She. Was going. To kill you!"

Finn looked down. "Yeah, you did the right thing there, where I didn't have the courage to. Thanks for that. But two people who should've known better did things way, way wrong for it to ever get there, Princess. You... and me."

"You?"

"Yeah, I'm as responsible for all this as you are. The way I was playing it, even without your weirdo love game, things were going straight to Bad Times. Things should have been different! I was slowly turning Flame Princess good! If I'd only kept my head and taken it slow, I could have made her good enough that she wouldn't have flipped out when I told her about her elemental matrix. That's why I can't stay here, Princess. Not only am I all filled with weird messed-up feelings now, but I failed as the hero."

Princess Bubblegum broke down. "Finn, you can turn ME good! You're already doing it! I was wrong to think I had people all figured out from the start and could set things up like a machine, OK? That's the way I've always been, but I know it's wrong now! D... Damn it, I fell in love with you! I'm not playing games anymore, Finn! I love you and I don't want to lose you like this!"

"You think I didn't fall in love with you too? It was all based on a lie, Bubblegum! Now we've BOTH had our hearts broken! All I can say is I'm glad you won't treat anybody like that anymore!"

The Princess got up and ran back into her castle, still crying.

Finn frowned. "Was I too harsh on her?"

"Are you kiddin' me?" asked Jake. "She had that coming. Anyway, she'll get over it. That Bubblegum is made of tough stuff. I think she'll actually be a better ruler after this."

The two friends sat down together one more time.

"So, are you really leaving?"

"Yeah, Jake. This place just doesn't feel right to me anymore."

"I hear you, brother. Gotta go where destiny takes you."

"Jake... You have ALWAYS been my bro. You're gonna be a great father."

"And YOU'RE gonna be great at whatever it is you're gonna do. You ever comin' back, man?"

"Someday, a long time from now... count on it."

"Hey man... one more for old time's sake. What time is it?" Jake extended his fist like only Jake could.

Finn bumped it. "Adventure Time."

And with that, he wandered off into the distance.

-The End-

Author's Notes: Thank you very much for reading my little story. Wow, fandom is some crazy stuff, dudes and dudettes. I loved Adventure Time so much that I tore it to pieces. Lucky thing I don't write the show!

Please let me know what you thought. Even if you thought it kinda blew, tell me why and bruise my stupid amateur writer feelings so I'll do better next time. It's the only way I'll learn.

Big thanks to my reviewers, including thisisagoodname (You nailed it!), Mdarn15792, iann nde mushafir (you want a longer chapter? THERE ya go!) and InfiniteMystery (I left it open.) and to my girlfriend, for lots of encouragement and helping me decide how it ends.


	6. Epilogue

Epilogue

Finn felt like a jerk. It was his decision to leave his friends behind indefinitely, his decision to quit being the hero. He had to, though. After all that had happened, he felt like his gut would implode if he even thought about going back.

He still had one more friend he felt like he had to say goodbye to. He knocked on her door.

Marceline opened the door. "Hey, Finn," she said.

"Hey Marceline. I've come to say goodbye."

"I think you've got your protocols mixed up there," she said. "Usually when you come, you say hello. Goodbye is what you say when you go."

"Well, I guess I've come to go," said Finn. "I mean, I'm going away from here and I don't know when I'll ever be back."

"C'mon in and tell me all about it." He followed her inside. She began to float parallel to the ground, and she crossed her legs and put her arms behind her head. "Okay, unload on me. I was right about Princess Bubblegum, wasn't I?"

"Yes," admitted Finn. "She only did what she did to keep me away from Flame Princess." He went on to briefly explain the Battle of Fire Kingdom.

"So Flame Princess is dead?" said Marceline. "That sucks, she sounded interesting. Hey, I've been meaning to ask - where's your hat, Finn?"

"I gave it to Ice King to thank him for saving my life."

The next thing he knew, she was on her feet and her hand was on his shoulder. "Ice King saved your life? Are you kidding me? Did he do it on purpose?"

"Oh yeah, he totally did! It was crazy noble. Uh... are... are you crying?"

Marceline wiped at her eyes. "Uh, no... it's nothing. It's just... he saved me once, too. It was a long time ago. I didn't know he still had it in him. So, you're sure you have to leave over this?"

Finn found Marceline's couch to be extremely uncomfortable, but he sat down anyway. "I can't go back, Marcy. It'd be like saying things could go back to being the way they were, and they can't! Nothing can ever be the same now."

She crossed her arms. "Yeah, I see where you're coming from. I've had to make some clean breaks in my time. Hey, but do you wanna hang out one more time before you go? I've got an idea for a song we could work on."

For the first time since he got there, Finn smiled.

* * *

"OK, I think we're ready to record it now," said Marceline. "You ready, Finn?"

"Totes."

She pushed the record button. For the first verse, Marceline played the bass alone. Her soulful voice slid out of her like blood from a light puncture wound.

_It's not easy making friends when you're the Vampire Queen._  
_You try to have some fun with mortals, but they just think you're mean._  
_But then you encounter a mortal kid who's so unstoppably cool_  
_That he always keeps it totally real even when he's playing the fool..._

Finn joined in on the ukelele as she prepared to sing the higher-pitched chorus.

_Goodbye Finn_  
_I'll remember our time together_  
_Goodbye Finn_  
_A part of you will live forever_  
_(Pitch lowers) Goodbye Finn_  
_Hit me up if you ever come round... again._

_Sorry to hear that Bubblegum was such a jerk to you._  
_Stole your heart, even if it was to save the land of Ooo._  
_I know right now you must feel like you'll never trust someone again,_  
_But I want you to remember, Finn, that we remain true friends..._

_Goodbye Finn_  
_I'll remember our time together_  
_Goodbye Finn_  
_A part of you will live forever_  
_Goodbye Finn_  
_Hit me up if you ever come round... again._

Marceline hit stop on her recording equipment. "Hmm," she said. "Not my best work, but it'll do." She ejected a tape and put it in a portable tape player, which she handed to Finn. "It's a going away present," she said.

"Marceline... You're the best. I'm really gonna miss you."

"Just don't go all 'tragic hero with a troubled past' over this, okay? Those types are zero fun, and you're too cool for that."

Soon Finn was walking again. Now his footsteps took him nowhere but away from the life he'd always known.

He just had to figure out exactly where it was he was going.

* * *

Author's Notes: I hadn't planned to post anymore on this story. What I did plan, after a few of you requested it, was to write a sequel. I planned most of it out, and then realized that my new story had several problems and I'm not sure if I can fix them. I also realized, however, that the first scene I wrote for it works just as well as an epilogue to this story, so here it is. "Goodbye Finn" does have a tune, although I realize after the fact that the chorus sounds a bit too much like the "what am I to you" part from "My Best Friends in the World."

As for the sequel, its fate is up in the air. I've thought of ways to fix a few of its problems, but I'm still not sure. I'm going to go ahead and tell y'all that it involves pairing Finn up with Susan Strong, which research has told me is a very, VERY unpopular idea. A lot of people think the two of them are related, though the show never even hinted as much. So, since I've told you, you'll probably tell me not to write it anyway.


End file.
